


Counting Moments

by momojuusu



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Songfic, Vampire Hunters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 01:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16296071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momojuusu/pseuds/momojuusu
Summary: There are moments when Junmyeon Kim is the strongest deviant vampire hunter the organization has ever had. There are moments when Junmyeon Kim is sitting at the corner, trembling as his past kills him slowly.In every moment, Chanyeol Park is there.





	Counting Moments

**Author's Note:**

> For Song For You: The First Album.
> 
> Prompt #SFY078: [Tiziano Ferro - Scivoli Di Nuovo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tKNuVMPn2U)

Twenty-four hours ago, Junmyeon Kim’s hands were stained with blood. His dark orbs were cold. In front of him, lay two lifeless bodies. Deviant vampires. Tonight, Junmyeon had done a perfect job. No, Junmyeon almost always did a perfect job.

 _Almost_ always.

Chanyeol Park crouched down next to the dead bodies. One stab of holy dual blades, right through respective hearts. The deviant vampires had made a ruckus in the middle of the city. _Reckless,_ Chanyeol thought. They looked young, must be new members of the revolutionary group. They thought they could change the world. In the end, idealism killed them.

_Or Junmyeon Kim killed them._

At least they died quickly. Junmyeon never wanted to waste his time.

“You know I’m stronger than you, right?” Chanyeol stood up and approached the shorter male. “You should give me a chance to prove how strong I am.”

“You can prove it to the others,” Junmyeon’s voice felt so cold in his ears. “I’ve told you I don’t accept apprentices.”

“I’m your partner!”

“Let alone a partner.”

Junmyeon walked away without looking back.

 

* * *

 

Twenty-two hours ago, all eyes were on Junmyeon when they got back to the headquarter. The infamous Junmyeon Kim, who would never hesitate to kill deviant vampires, would always catch people’s attention. He was unbeatable, unstoppable, unforgiving. He had killed so many vampires who chose the deviant way, definitely against the government. He had had so many achievements. People in the organization were proud of him.

However, a year being Junmyeon’s partner got Chanyeol learning that Junmyeon was never proud of himself. He avoided being in the center of attention; he avoided people’s gazes on him. He had a gesture that he wanted to hide. He didn’t like the spotlight—he _hated_ it. No matter how much praise he got, Chanyeol got an impression that he didn’t want it.

Or, Junmyeon Kim felt like he didn’t deserve it.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” One day, Chanyeol heard— _overheard_ —Junmyeon’s conversation with their peer, Minseok Kim. “Everyone is glad you’re part of us. You are our pride, you know that? Our new members look up to you. They want to be like Junmyeon Kim.”

“They wouldn’t want to be me if they knew what I’ve done,” Junmyeon muttered lowly. “I don’t even want to be me.”

There was a short span of silence before Minseok spoke again, now more carefully. “It’s been six years, Junmyeon,” Minseok leaned against the wall of the HQ rooftop. “You should stop mourning. You should stop blaming yourself. It wasn’t even your fault. It was—it was an accident. None of us could help it.”

“He tried to save me,” Chanyeol was a bit taken aback when he heard Junmyeon’s voice rising. He never heard such emotions in Junmyeon's nonchalant tone before. “He _did_ save me. If I wasn’t so reckless—”

The conversation stopped when Chanyeol, by accident, pushed the door to the rooftop open, revealing his presence to the two older hunters. He could only make an awkward grin when Junmyeon shot him with an irritating look. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to eavesdrop—”

“You still did,” Junmyeon exhaled loudly. “Let’s just go back to work. We’re wasting our time here.”

Chanyeol’s eyes followed Junmyeon as the man walked past him, leaving him alone with Minseok.

“You pissed him off again,” Minseok’s chuckles were the one that stopped Chanyeol from keeping on staring at Junmyeon’s figure, which now had disappeared as he went downstairs.

“When did I not?”

Minseok’s smile showed that he understood. “You know why,” he said. “It’s not easy for him to have another partner after Kris’ death.”

Chanyeol knew. Chanyeol understood.

Somehow, somewhere, it hurt.

 

* * *

 

Six years ago, Kris Wu died. It was a loss of the organization, having to lose one of the best agents they’d ever had. Junmyeon had just joined the organization at that time. Junmyeon was Kris’ new partner at that time. Junmyeon was falling in love with Kris at that time.

They were good partners. They were compatible with each other. Junmyeon was fierce while Kris was calm. Junmyeon, more often than not, acted before thinking while Kris was full of calculation. Without Kris, Junmyeon might have caused huge chaos, but without Junmyeon, Kris would never be able to work with more… passion. It took time, of course, for two different personalities to get along, but the time was well spent. It worked—they worked.

Until, finally, they realized their own feelings for each other, things went differently. It wasn’t a bad difference; actually, they bonded even better. They became a powerful couple, and with Kris’ guidance, Junmyeon grew stronger day by day.

People looked up to them. They were the best in the field. They were a threat to the revolutionary group, which was led by the first deviant vampire, who demanded the human race to give them their glorious era back.

As the most superior creatures, they wanted to break the equality that had been reached a decade ago. The world had been in peace; it was like a dream came true to see humans and vampires could live together without any bloodshed. Some still remembered how frightening it was when vampires hunted humans for blood; it was such a dark age.

The dark age, deviant vampires wanted to have it back. And for that, deviant vampire hunters were needed. For that, Kris and Junmyeon were there to counter the barbaric attack.

If only that accident didn't occur, Kris and Junmyeon would still be the most powerful team—slash-couple—out there. If only that accident didn't occur, if only Junmyeon could keep calm and think for another way to save the girl who had been attacked by a bunch of deviant vampires.

If only.

There were _too_ many if only's.

Six years ago, Kris died and no one could stop Junmyeon from blaming himself. He knew Kris was right back then; there were too many vampires and they got no weapons with them. It was their day off. They were on a date. They shouldn’t involve in any fights without their holy weapons. The other hunters who covered their absent would be there anytime soon after Kris reported the attack.

If only Junmyeon could be more patient. If only Kris could say no to his boyfriend.

See, _there were indeed too many if only's._

Six years ago, Kris died.

Six years after, Junmyeon was still mourning.

 

* * *

 

Twenty hours ago, Junmyeon Kim was trembling in overwhelming feelings. No one but Chanyeol knew about this; maybe if they didn’t share the same house, it would remain unnoticed forever.

“Yifan,” whispered the hunter.

 _Yifan_. The name was unfamiliar in the beginning, but as time went by and this state kept happening, Chanyeol learned about who Yifan was. It was Kris, his real name. Only Junmyeon allowed to call him with his real name, showing how special he was to the other.

“Yifan, I’m sorry.”

When this thing happened, Chanyeol was never sure what to do. To see the strongest deviant vampire hunter curling at the corner of his room, shaking, _crying_ —what was he supposed to do? He had witnessed it for a whole year, starting when he first moving in with Junmyeon, and Junmyeon would go into this state every time they finished doing their job hunting down deviant vampires.

It was like memories from the past would come as the aftertaste, and it _killed_ Junmyeon. It engulfed Junmyeon in extreme devastation, crushing everything inside. His power and glory, the strong look he always had in the field—it was all gone along with the heartbroken sobs that slipped from his lips.

Chanyeol might never see the closeness between Junmyeon and his dead lover, but this proved enough how strong their bond was back in the day. He could tell that the memories were still vivid for Junmyeon, that Junmyeon still could feel the terror from that day, that he could replay the scene of Kris being slaughtered by those vampires as clear as daylight.

“So sorry, so sorry, _so sorry._ ”

Junmyeon had never moved on. For years, he kept those feelings all to himself, not letting anyone else comfort him. He avoided everyone, avoiding the gazes of pity they had for him. He would walk with his head hanging low, as though he was ashamed of himself.

Ironically, the strongest among all was the weakest when the day was over.

At first, he didn’t want to get involved with Junmyeon’s personal issue. For god’s sake, he also had his own issue that he needed to take care. However, seeing it almost every night had moved something in Chanyeol that made him approach his partner, sitting on the floor next to him. Maybe he felt so done not doing anything. Watching it left a painful sting in his heart. Not doing anything when _he knew_ how the other felt frustrated him.

“I’ve lost so many things in my life,” Chanyeol started, causing Junmyeon to jolt, maybe because he didn’t expect Chanyeol to sit with him in his pathetic state. “I understand how you feel… maybe.”

“You don’t understand a bit,” Junmyeon’s voice was hoarse, trembling. “Go away. You don’t understand anything.”

“My mother left me in the orphanage because I’m half vampire. My father… I never know him. He never shows up. What an ass, huh?” Soft chuckles came from the taller yet younger hunter. “Living in an orphanage wasn’t easy. My status as a dhampir just made it worse. I only had one friend there, his name was Kyungsoo. He was… a very good friend. I only had him. In this life, I thought he would be all that I needed. You know… when you feel like you don’t need anyone but this person?”

Junmyeon rose his head a bit, which was previously buried between his knees. “That’s how I felt when Yifan was around,” he said weakly.

“It feels nice to have someone you can lean on, but it kills you when they’re gone.”

Chanyeol knew Junmyeon agreed with him when the other didn’t say anything and instead pushed the topic back to Kyungsoo.

“Then where is he now?”

_“Chanyeol—Chanyeol!”_

_“Fuck! Don’t you dare touch him! Soo!”_

_“Chanyeol!”_

He started to feel his hands trembling. It had been so many years ago when he was still a young boy, but it felt like just yesterday and _he was scared._

“He died.”

Junmyeon seemed surprised. Chanyeol laughed lightly at that.

“We got to go out every weekend. He wanted to see a move that day, so I accompanied him. We bought midnight show tickets, it was my idea.”

“You didn’t have a curfew?”

“Of course we had! I just wanted to… rebel a bit. He wasn’t sure, but he would never say no to me. He never admitted it, but I knew I was his weakness,” He rested his head against the wall as he stared at the ceiling, memories with Kyungsoo flowing into his head. “He said yes, so we did. I should’ve known better; going outside after midnight was dangerous. I didn’t realize it would lead us to two deviants. They saw us walking through this empty alley, the only fastest way to reach the orphanage. They attacked us, but I managed to take one of them down. It was a lot of struggle; even though I’m stronger than you humans, it doesn’t mean I can defeat them easily without weapons. I could only beat him until he couldn’t move freely anymore… but we still had the other one, yes? And that one, he killed Kyungsoo. Just right after I finished with his friend, he pierced his fangs into Kyungsoo’s neck, killing him immediately.”

“What—what happened then?”

_Blood. Blood everywhere. Blood was running down Kyungsoo’s ripped neck. Blood was dripping from the vampire’s mouth._

_It was red._

_The vampire’s eyes were as red as Chanyeol’s dear friend’s blood._

Chanyeol closed his eyes as he let out shaky laughter. After all, this was never easy. He thought it would be okay for him to share his past with someone, but, honestly, it was far from okay. No matter how many years had passed, no matter how many people he had told this story, it was never easy for him. Yes, he knew why Junmyeon always had a hard time whenever he recalled the unfortunate event in his little head.

It hurt. So much. Chanyeol cursed; he should’ve comforted Junmyeon a long time ago, not letting him suffer alone.

“Chanyeol…?” There was a soft, hesitant touch on his forearm. Chanyeol opened his eyes and smiled at his partner.

“Knowing he was no longer breathing? I ran away. I went back to the orphanage and told them what happened. They blamed me for that. I did blame myself for that.”

Their eyes met when Chanyeol turned to see Junmyeon’s expression. He could see the red on his face, but at least the tears had stopped. The usually stern gaze was soft this time, and Chanyeol knew Junmyeon understood how he felt.

They were just the same, after all. They lost someone and it was their faults. They’d had a long journey, hoping to heal. They did everything, the best they could do, trying not to disappoint anyone anymore. They tried everything they could to make the pain stop, but it was just not enough—it never felt enough.

The difference was, in the end, Chanyeol forgave himself for what had happened—or at least he tried, he still did. He stopped blaming himself because he knew Kyungsoo would smack him in the head if he knew his very best friend spent years to mourn over his death and put the blame on himself. He stopped because he knew it was inevitable. The universe wanted to take Kyungsoo back with them. It was just Kyungsoo’s time.

He moved on. After all the struggles, facing people who had their fingers pointing at him, calling him a murderer, he finally started a new life here, in this organization, and moved on.

Those orbs rounded when Chanyeol reached for his cheek, palming it. Chanyeol made a small smile, thumb drawing a comforting circle on the damped skin.

“See, I understand _everything_ ,” Chanyeol murmured. “You don’t need to avoid me anymore.”

No words came from Junmyeon, but from the way he slowly scooted over and dropped his forehead on Chanyeol’s shoulder, Chanyeol knew there would be a chance of the older to open up. They stayed like that until hours later; Chanyeol didn’t want to ruin the comfort by asking him to move.

They stayed in silence and Chanyeol felt funny. The thought of having this situation with Junmyeon had never crossed his mind, not even once, but now, there they were. It wasn’t like Chanyeol minded it. It must be tired for Junmyeon to hold the pain all by himself, carrying people’s expectation when he, himself, was afraid of what he should face every day.

It must be tired to feel afraid of making more mistakes which would lead to everyone’s disappointment towards him. It must be hard to have a new partner—to have the fear of losing someone.

Tonight, Chanyeol let Junmyeon do the thing he should have done years ago.

 

* * *

 

Ten hours ago, Junmyeon Kim’s face was the first thing Chanyeol Park saw when he woke up. The serenity drew a smile on Chanyeol’s face. Junmyeon slept like a baby. He curled in Chanyeol’s arms, so small and warm.

Chanyeol peeked at the digital clock he had on his nightstand. It was 12 PM, which meant they were supposed to get up and go to work _hours_ ago, but Chanyeol didn’t even feel like waking Junmyeon up, not when he knew Junmyeon could finally sleep soundly after years of restless nights. It should be okay, the report they should submit could wait.

They stayed up late. Junmyeon was crying, Chanyeol let him be. He had cried every night for six years, but last night’s cry was different, Chanyeol could tell. He knew; he had experienced it once. Junmyeon tried to let go. He embraced all the sadness and the loneliness, the disappointment and the hatred he had towards himself. Junmyeon let it consume him, hopefully, for the last time. He let out all the feelings he had kept for himself all these years, he let himself be as weak as it could be and Chanyeol was there, offering safe arms for him to unleash every burden he had carried along.

It was tiring. Helping Junmyeon like that meant opening Chanyeol’s half-healed wound once again. As Junmyeon cried on his shoulder, he also cried. He could feel it all, what Junmyeon felt. He felt the pain, it was all just the same as his. Repeating the scene of the doom day in his head, he believed Junmyeon also did the same. Thus he tightened his hug. Thus he brought Junmyeon’s fragile figure closer to his.

He felt exhausted, letting the memories of Kyungsoo’s death in, but at the same time, he was so, _so relieved._ He was relieved that after all this time, someone understood. He didn’t need to face this alone. He would walk with Junmyeon through this cruel path of fate.

Junmyeon’s eyes were back cold when they opened in a lazy movement. One story in one night wasn’t enough for them to get all warm, but at least they didn’t bite anymore. Junmyeon sat up, checking the time before he muttered, “We’re late.”

“I know,” Chanyeol rolled onto his back. “We slept like logs.”

“We haven’t submitted the report.”

“I know.”

“We should go now.”

“We shouldn’t.”

Junmyeon shot him an irritated glare, which was replied with a grin.

“We _should_ submit the report, Park,” Junmyeon hissed.

“We shouldn’t,” Pulling Junmyeon back to bed, he wrapped an arm around his slim waist, another around his shoulders. “They’ll understand. It’s only one report. Let’s just stay here for a couple more hours.”

Junmyeon’s body tensed. At first, he tried to pull away, but Chanyeol’s arms were steady around him. It needed a moment for Junmyeon to find out that there was no use in resisting. Chanyeol chuckled when his partner finally leaned back against his warmth. It was like taming a pup.

“Two hours and we get out of this bed before Choi kills us.”

“Got it.”

And that was that. Those merciless eyes were slowly closed.

 

* * *

 

A moment ago, Chanyeol Park stained his hands with blood. In front of him, lay a lifeless body. A deviant vampire. Next to him, Junmyeon Kim was still fighting another one. He moved gracefully with his dual blades.

Not so far from them, two more deviant vampires came closer. Chanyeol fixed his grip on his holy sword. “The more, the merrier,” he said lightly, loud enough for Junmyeon to hear.

“I wonder why there are so many tonight,” His holy blades blasted through the vampire’s chest, crushing the heart, turning it into ashes.

“They want to see me in action,” Chanyeol gave him a cocky grin. “You take a rest and watch me. Those two are mine.”

“I let you fight once and now you want to kill them all? Greedy.”

But, he smiled. Maybe the first smile he had after a too long time. Just a little, but it was enough. When their eyes met, he didn’t avoid his partner’s gaze. Not anymore.

_No more hiding. No more avoiding._

“Alright, alright, you can have one. That’s only because you gave me a _cute_ smile.”

Junmyeon scoffed, but he still wore his smile. He walked beside Chanyeol, forearms brushing, radiating new warmth, a signal of a new beginning. Whatever would happen, he hoped it would be different than what he had with Yifan. He hoped it would end well, or better, at the very least.

He stole a glance at Chanyeol but quickly averted it when he found Chanyeol staring at him with a very gentle smile he had ever seen. There was a comfortable squeeze on his shoulder; Chanyeol leaned over to whisper in his ear before the tall man ran approaching the deviants, sword confidently held in his hands.

Junmyeon sighed as he followed his new partner. This time, his steps were lighter. No more burden. No more. There was only Chanyeol’s deep voice echoing in his mind.

_“I’m not letting you slip again.”_

 

 

* * *

 

_Conti precisi per ricordare quanti sguardi hai evitato_

_e quante le parole che non hai pronunciato per non rischiare di deludere [...]_

_il viaggio che hai fatto per sentirti più sicuro_

_più vicino a te stesso_

_ma non basta, non basta mai_

_(Accurate counts to remember how many gazes you avoided_

_And how many words you've never spoken_

_To avoid the risk of disappointing [...]_

_The trip you went on, to feel more confident_

_Closer to your own self_

_But it's not enough, it's never enough)_

**Tiziano Ferro - Scivoli Di Nuovo**

**Author's Note:**

> Not really sure if this would satisfy my prompter, but here we go! I hope I didn’t misinterpret the lyrics. Adding some happiness that you can never find in the song for the ending just because (also hope that’d be okay).


End file.
